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light fuse,
run away.
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1:08 AM, Obstacle 3
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
"And the crowd bailed, leaving just me and the security cameras instead of God watching to catch me when I fuck up." I haven't exactly fucked up yet. But I corrected a foolish assumption and caught myself from slipping into that dark pit of emotional self-destruction and doom. There always is that sense of "someone watching me" and I can't help but feel that Someone Up There thinks this is really funny. And, well it is rather funny in the nihilistic, self-depreciative way I'm oh so familiar with. I feel slightly embarrassed about it but apart from the security cameras, there aren't any witnesses to my crime of unwarranted optimism. It's not pessimism, it's pragmatism. It's not pessimism, it's self-preservation. The same way you might look at your leg cut off at the knee and not feel anything at first, maybe this is just shock. But I hope not, because if this wears of... This is all going to hurt so bad. I pray never to feel again. |