Arsonists and Used Matchsticks

Radiohead

2009-12-01T20:46:00.000-08:00

For some reason I really want to score for this radio test. I want to do a good job. I am motivated.

Why the sudden motivation? I have no clue.

100

2009-11-07T09:47:00.001-08:00

This my 100th post. I was saving it for something special, but there really isn't anything special to say besides me being completely and utterly fed up with life. Let me die in my sleep ugh.

Cosmic Dice

2009-09-26T13:02:00.000-07:00

This is the second time in a month. I try to move on and someone with the best intentions calls and puts forth a crazy plan that... Well actually wasn't a complete disaster. Then someone else with the best intentions calls and sets me straight.

I admit defeat.

Then feeling confident, drunk on too many late night movies, I once again set myself up.

But it's foolproof, it's materialistic it's stupid!

And I am happy now. Which is good enough for me I guess...

Somehow, I'm glad nobody reads this. Maybe I'll feel embarassed and delete this in a day or two but what the fuck man? Shoot for the stars.

New Terrain

2009-09-24T04:25:00.000-07:00

Someone asked me why I stopped blogging. I realise I haven't got anything interesting to say. Maybe that's my problem.

One Giant Leap...

2009-07-21T10:03:00.000-07:00

Think about the animals used in product testing. Think about the monkeys shot into space. Without their death, their pain, without their sacrifice, we would have nothing.

And that is completely true isn't it? We think of Armstrong and Gargarin when we think of the pioneers of spaceflight. We never stop to think about the Laika and the other nameless animals shot into space with no intention to be retrieved. We've build the foundations of so many great discoveries on the corpses of animals whose names we never bother to remember. Hell, how many people even know who Laika is?

I know when I was a kid I didn't. Then my mum bought me this poster from Kinokuniya with a map of the Solar System, complete with little icons showing approximately where various spacecraft were at the time of printing. In of of the icons, there was a cartoon of a dog sitting on a rocket. So I looked it up on the internet and read about Laika.

It's something that struck a chord in me. It's like a Disney tale with a twisted ending. From stray dog to astronaut martyr. There is without a doubt than in Laika's short three years alive, she had accomplished something far greater than most of us could ever aspire to do.

Work with animals is a source of suffering to all of us. We treat them like babies who cannot speak. The more time passes, the more I'm sorry about it. We shouldn't have done it... We did not learn enough from this mission to justify the death of the dog. - Dr. Vladimir Yazdovsky

I wanted to do something nice for her: She had so little time left to live. - Oleg Gazenko

So before Gargarin, remember Laika...

Pace Is The Trick

2009-07-11T05:42:00.000-07:00

I submit my incentive is romance
I watched the pole dance of the stars
We rejoice because the hurting is so painless
From the distance of passing cars
But I am married to your charms & grace

Very, Very Interesting.

2009-07-03T04:18:00.000-07:00

Somebody reminded me that I had a blog, thus I shall attempt to blog something vaguely interesting...

My life has become very interesting. So many problems and so many opportunities. Most them I just waltz past because I can't be arsed and also because I'm sick of trying for this and trying for that and failing miserably. Yeah, I know you can't go through life not trying anything because you're afraid of failing, but I need to take a break from all this.

I want detachment.

But for when things get really messed up and complicated, I know I've got friends to help me out...

But as always, there's no time for any drama, what with school invading every hour of free time we've got. Fridays are quite fun though. We've got Drama and Poetry.

Today's workshop was... Odd... We had to pair up and blindfold our partner and lead them all over the school and write a poem based on our experiences. I paired up with Kin and Sonia paired up with Yi Min.

Most people had rather poetic descriptions of their surroundings... Describing the world with an absence of sight and colour. For Yi Min and I, it was very different. I experienced loss, paranoia, fear and axiety and Kin regularly made me walk into random strangers and wander alone on my own.

What really took the cake was KIN AND SONIA LEAVING YI MIN AND I IN A LIFT WHILE BLINDFOLDED.

Thanks guys.

I've run out of things to blog about. So I am going to go watch Skins.

Paint The Walls Red

2009-06-11T05:42:00.000-07:00

Today was a comedy. I cut my finger and blood sprayed everywhere. It was like some horror movie. There were blood splashes on my arm, sink, tap and floor. Very dramatic. I didn't know how to stop the bleeding so I decided to call me dad and ask what to do...

"Hey, I cut myself while opening a can of dog food and my finger is bleeding on stop. What should I do?"

"Elevate your hand and use a bandage."

I realize my lack of first aid skills are sorely lacking. Next I had to tie a bandage on my bloodied finger. With one hand. So I tied it up really messily and badly and ended up with a finger TWICE THE NORMAL SIZE.

Then I realise... How the fuck am I going to finish my newswriting with a finger the size of the Eiffel Tower.

FUCK. MY. LIFE.

(It's not that bad after you get used to it. It's amazing how adaptive you can be when one finger is unavailable.)

For All You Twits!

2009-06-11T01:19:00.000-07:00

I think we all know where we belong...

Overweight Karate Kid

2009-06-09T23:39:00.001-07:00

Like an overweight karate
kid you could moonwalk over my heart
using candour as painkiller
tastes like vanilla to me
occasionally

someone please make go home, I'm
the worst at being alone
just tell me I ought to watch
INFOMERCIALS FOR LOVE
and buy all of their trust

saturdays have shown us I'm not
the world's most talkative guy
you say it's fine
but I can always try and answer
with amplified anger, and
then cry inside

someone please make go home, I'm
the worst at being alone
just tell me I ought to watch
INFOMERCIALS FOR LOVE
and buy all of their trust

Motherlode

2009-06-09T06:57:00.000-07:00

In midst of all the doom and gloom regarding a potentially uneventful, wasted two week vacation... I remember this...

It's quite a mess, but there's loads of old analog junk to play with. I am currently searching for an old flash unit to attach to my beloved FM2.

I am going to go finish up my roll of slide film as well a new roll of black and white film this holiday.

And on a completely unrelated note. I am out of money.

This Is What I Want

2009-06-09T00:42:00.000-07:00

For just one night.

The Duel

2009-06-07T07:44:00.000-07:00

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more.

- Erica Jong, How To Save Your Own Life

Project Restoration

2009-06-06T06:47:00.000-07:00

In the midst of chaos... I find a vinyl player at my Grandma's place. So we took it home and decided to try and ressurect it. We need to get quite a few replacement parts, but nothing we can't find at Sim Lim Towers hahaha.

I actually wanted it because I thought it would make a good addition to my attic bedroom, which is currently in planning stage. My roof is on the verge of collapsing on my head, so my parents are thinking of rebuilding it and giving my brother, my dad and I a room of our own.

But... The LAST time my mum said we could have an attic bedroom... She didn't follow through with it. It most probably won't happen, but I can hope can't I?

Back to work...

Life, The Universe and Everything

2009-06-06T02:17:00.000-07:00

The novelty has worn off. My macbook is no longer shiny and white. I don't bother much about what I wear to school. Conflict? Nah I can't be arsed enough to get involved.

Go to school, get the job done and go home. If you've still got friends at the end of the day to go to Clarke Quay with, then that's a very welcome bonus.

All that is hard enough on it's own without... Distractions. But if I keep myself between the improbable and impossible, then just maybe I can hold this depression at bay long enough to get my job done.

I am not invincible, but I will damn well try for it.

"Carpe diem motherfucker!"

Stickin' To The Floor

2009-06-03T09:02:00.000-07:00

Not one of you's got an ounce of style in yer
So now one of you's gonna have to stop!

Fucking hell I'll break your nose!
If they keep on pushing you around
Keep on steeping on your toes
I'll pick you up when you fall down

Personal Coma

2009-06-02T09:50:00.000-07:00

Depression? Yes. I cope with that damn well. I don't go moping around and crying in bathrooms. It's the anger that I can never cope with. I may not scream and shout, but it eats away at me from the inside, tearing me up.

I solved this problem a while ago and once again some stray comment that probably didn't mean a thing has sent me down this dark path to destruction and doom. Following the White Rabbit into a black hole.

I need 20ccs of Apathy in an IV.

Obstacle 3

2009-05-20T01:08:00.000-07:00

"And the crowd bailed, leaving just me and the security cameras instead of God watching to catch me when I fuck up."

I haven't exactly fucked up yet. But I corrected a foolish assumption and caught myself from slipping into that dark pit of emotional self-destruction and doom. There always is that sense of "someone watching me" and I can't help but feel that Someone Up There thinks this is really funny. And, well it is rather funny in the nihilistic, self-depreciative way I'm oh so familiar with. I feel slightly embarrassed about it but apart from the security cameras, there aren't any witnesses to my crime of unwarranted optimism.

It's not pessimism, it's pragmatism.

It's not pessimism, it's self-preservation.

The same way you might look at your leg cut off at the knee and not feel anything at first, maybe this is just shock. But I hope not, because if this wears of... This is all going to hurt so bad. I pray never to feel again.

The Merc With A Mouth

2009-05-18T20:36:00.001-07:00

Maybe?

2009-05-18T08:15:00.000-07:00

"You gain power by pretending to be weak. By contrast, you make people feel strong. You save people by letting them save you. All you have to do is be fragile and grateful. So stay the underdog. People really need somebody they feel superior to. So stay downtrodden. People need somebody they can send a check at Christmas. So stay poor. Charity isn't the right word, but it's the first word that comes to mind."

The Carrot and Stick Approach

2009-05-16T06:42:00.000-07:00

This week sucked, big time. Year two is taking a toll on my temper and my sanity. I needed respite. Just a day of it at least.

Saturday.

Christopher was performing in a play in MI so Vivienne and I made the long journey to MI at Bukit Batok. Foreign territory to the both of us. Vivienne filled me in on the current state of the Drama Club.

I really miss my Fridays with them. In the midst of our reminiscences the both of us forgot to get off at the right stations thrice. Had Burger King and took a bus to MI where Christopher was waiting for us clad in a dress shirt and dress pants.

Dude, you promised us a fairy costume. I want my money back!

Yes, he was supposed to be a fairy. But he turned out to be playing one of those post modern fairies. No fuzzy pink fluff and what not. Dang.

While waiting for his performance we wandered around trying to spend our 10 dollars worth of coupons in vain. Not much to buy unfortunately.

Eventually Christopher's performance began and we sat down to watch the play unfold. From a botched musical to a Cinderella Story. It was an entertaining play. The performance being in a noisy, open space with no lighting and few mics did detract from the play, but it was great.

Took a train to Dhoby Ghaut for dinner at some fish and chip shop. Bummed around at a bookstore and finally Gramaphone where I baught Titan A.E. for ONLY $3!

Upon reaching home, reality dawned on me.

Homework. Homewerk. Homework.

I promised myself instant noodles, grass jelly drink and Titan A.E. after homework. So, it's off to work now.

Sayonara.

Flashpoint

2009-05-15T06:26:00.000-07:00

I guess everybody's week must have been pretty rough.
Cause everybody's drunk, loud, and pissed off.
I know you've probably had it pretty bad

But you know, trying to hold back on being an asshole helps...

Come on, we're all in the same boat. Each of us knows what the other is going through so ease up, chill the fuck out and stop taking it out on your mates.

Our Real Discoveries Come From Chaos

2009-05-11T09:11:00.000-07:00

In the midst of chaos I find myself. Sitting at the dining room while everyone's asleep. Dirty, gritty disco beats just loud enough block out the world. The cars outside. The dogs barking. The trees. I was doing my assignment in my own personal mind disco.

So I worked, worked and worked. Made a mistakes, had to redo everything. I yelled in frustration to whoever could hear me. And then I continued to work, work and work.

And when you're so caught up in what has become your own personal hell, you don't realise how focused you are. Your to-do list grows steadily shorter and your CRITICAL folder fills up with finished assignments. And when you're done with one piece of work you realise...

"Hey... That's it."

Nothing more to do. I looked at the clock and midnight came only 9 minutes ago. That left me with about 6 hours to sleep. 6 hours of lack of consciousness. If that's what death felt like, it sure as hell can't be all that bad.

The dining room, lit only by my Macbook's screen was what I imagined Hell to look like.

My bedroom...

Now that... was Heaven.

Goodnight Friends. And if you're still up slaving away with your TV Production Scripts, good luck!

Give

2009-05-08T05:07:00.000-07:00

Give me Lust.
Give me Malice.
Give me Detached Existentialist Ennui.
Give me Rampant Intellectualism as a Coping Mechanism.

Give me Empathy.
Give me Sympathy.
Give me Brutal Honesty.

Give me Attention.
Give me Adoration.
Give me a Break.

Give me Pity.
Give me Another Chance.
Give me Wonder.
Give me Amazement.

Give me Tolerance.
Give me Understanding.

Will You Survive The Swine Flu?

2009-05-02T08:38:00.000-07:00

Dinesh completed the quiz "Will You Survive the Swine Flu?" with the result You died you fool..

Sick of sensationalist headlines you still went to Cancun to get drunk and / or laid. It seemed like a good idea, you got all the attention the only tourist in a town gets. But ultimately you paid for it when you kissed a mexican, got diarrhea, got the flu and died..

Woohoo! Yay me. Livin' it up before the apocalypse.

Banksy

2009-04-15T12:27:00.000-07:00

Banksy is now my favourite artist. Period. His work is amazing commentary on society in general.

http://www.banksy.co.uk/menu.html

The famous Flower Chucker. Banksy's most famous piece, I think.

This is probably my favourite piece by Banksy. It goes without explanation. I'd enlarge it until its fucking big, but I don't know how so just click it, trust me. It will hit you.

God getting busted.

Raising the flag on...?

*Applause*

The thing I hate the most about advertising is that it attracts all the bright, creative and ambitious young people, leaving us mainly with the slow and self-obsessed to become our artists. Modern art is a disaster area. Never in the field of human history has so much been used by so many to say so little.

-Banksy

Ward 25

2009-04-14T05:30:00.001-07:00

Hospitals are depressing places. It goes without saying, but I'll say it again. Hospitals are depressing places. Unfortunately, a series of unfortunate events lead to my grandfather being warded in Changi Hospital for kidney stones and a fractured arm.

I made the long, bleak (This is like the most overused word EVER.) journey to Changi Hospital. Wandered around, went to the wrong ward, called for directions and then went to call my grandma for directions and finally found the ward.

My grandfather was in good condition. When I got there an occupational therapist was teaching him how to put on and take off his shirt and pants while his fracture healed. Ten minutes there and I knew he was in good hands.

Hospitals might be depressing places but there is always this sense of camraderie among the patients and visitors there. They are bonded by a common enemy. Be it heart attacks, cancer, kidney stones or strokes. They are bonded by a common goal. To get the fuck out of there alive. But behind the jibes and laughter and jokes, Death was ever present. The patient in the room next door had died a while before I came in. It's not a pleasant sight, especially for a patient, to see a shrouded body being wheeled away.

I was feeling a bit hungry by now so I went down to get something to eat with my grandma. Talked about stuff and ate and went back up to the ward. Talked to my grandpa, who's sense of humour was still there.

It's always reassuring to see him cracking jokes, even in a hospital gown and an IV drip. It never failed to amuse the doctors.

My uncle came by later to see my grandpa. So after checking to make sure everything was alright, he gave me a ride home.

This holiday has been bleak (There it is, again.). Not just because I haven't done anything useful with myself. I've had something really unpleasant happen to me, so I just want school to start and distract me from all that.

I've got a new class full of cool people so the next semester should be fun. Especially Fridays! Like all my friends managed to land in the same IS Module. I look forward to Drama and Poetry too, though thats in the later half of the semester.

Looking further into the future, I have San Francisco to look forward to. I will probably leave the day after school ends in June since the wedding is on the 21st. Either that, or I'll have to fly out on my own. Which I kind of want to do. It will be good for me. I'll have to navigate Tokyo airport where I'll stop to transfer as well as the dreaded airport security in the USA. Eugh. It's still something to look forward too. Keeping looking to the future and it's easier to forget the present. Yes, I meant that.

Well, that's that. I'm going to go watch TV. Ciao.

FML

2009-04-11T07:23:00.001-07:00

My life is so fucked up now I can't even begin to describe everything that's gone wrong. If I take a step back and pretended it wasn't me, it really would be kinda funny... In a sad soap-opera-gone-wrong way.

But as much as I'd like to imagine otherwise, I'm still me, unfortunately.

What's worse is this is a carbon copy of the problem I solved just a few days ago! It's a disaster on repeat.

This is so Sem 1.2 but... Life is fucking BLEAK.

I Want To Know What It's Like On The Inside Of Love

2009-04-06T10:33:00.000-07:00

Eighteen

2009-03-26T06:46:00.000-07:00

I am 18!

Friday:

Shi, Fee, Belle, Jamie and Aisyah came over to my place for Pizza, Video Games and a Movie. Picked them up from Jimmy Yummies and had some burgers there. They made me this giant birthday card highlighting my transformation from dorky 13 year old to... A less dorky 18 year old! I am VARY touched.

So we had Pizza and we played some Video Games. Shi was the most excited. She grabbed the controller and got ready before I turned on the XBox... So we played some racing game. Fee was really the most reckless driver. Countless trees, lamp posts and fences were demolished by car. Belle was the slo... Most cautious driver haha.

We had no cake, so we put candles on the pizza and blew it out before watching Army Daze, which is one of my favourite movies now. Maybe NS isn't so bad.

Walked everyone off to the bus stop after the movie

Saturday:

Saturday was mostly a family thing plus Uncle Mervyn, Aunty Julia, Uncle Anil, Aunty Naleeza, Uncle Ivan and Aunty Kim. Talked to loads of people I haven't seen in ages. Aunty Naleeza made me a cake and hers seriously are the best I have ever tasted. Got really interesting gifts including an Art Book and a box of photography cuttings collected since the 70s!

Monday:

Monday night was spent at Timbre with Sonia, Sam, Marcus, Germaine, Kin, Kevin and Denise! Sonia and Sam got me this awesome tee shirt in a bag decorated with post-it notes. And the rest... GOT ME DRUNK! Hahahahah! I had so much to drink a lot of the night was a blur, but a camera was present so the pictures brought back some memories haha! I do remember having a shit load of fun. I think the pictures here are a lot more entertaining than my narrative of the night, so I'll let them do the talking.

THANKS MANY MANY.

Screamer Sisters.

Kamikaze

Wedgie.

And that... Was my 18th. Thanks for everything guys. I really appreciate it.

I love ya'll!

Uhh... No?

2009-03-19T21:41:00.000-07:00

This is why I just deleted my Friendster account. I am sick of random friend messages with tacky graphics. ENOUGH.

I'm on to Facebook now and forever.

Hawaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

2009-03-15T10:28:00.000-07:00

I need to start updating this blog. It is dying. I hope this song brings even the slightest glimmer of life.

1am Is For...

2009-03-13T09:24:00.000-07:00

Headbanging in the kitchen and moshing with the curtains.

Dancing to Lady Gaga, Benny Benassi, MGMT and... Well... There might have been one or two Britney songs there...

I'd never hear the end of it if anyone caught me dancing in the kitchen at one in the morning, but ah what the hell. Lady Gaga is great. You know she is one of only 20 people to ever receive early admission to Tisch? And she appeared in burlesque shows in the Lower East Side? Hahaha, talk about multi-talented.

Anyway, I am off to bed. In a few hours... My circadian rhythm is dead.

Daytripper

2009-03-10T04:35:00.000-07:00

Got a good reason for taking the easy way out
Got a good reason for taking the easy way out, now

She was a day tripper, one way ticket, yeah
It took me so long to find out, and I found out

She's a big teaser, she took me half the way there
She's a big teaser, she took me half the way there, now

She was a day tripper, one way ticket, yeah
It took me so long to find out, and I found out

Tried to please her, she only played one night stands
Tried to please her, she only played one night stands, now

She was a day tripper, Sunday driver, yeah
It took me so long to find out, and I found out

Day tripper
Day tripper, yeah

Day tripper
Day tripper, yeah

Tmax 400

2009-03-07T02:42:00.000-08:00

Film: Kodak Tmax 400
Camera: Nikon FM2
Lens: Manual Nikkor 50mm and Manual Nikkor 28mm

The film cost my $4.50 and developing and scanning cost me $18. I am slightly annoyed because whoever developed the photos was a bit shoddy and my film had quite a bit of dust on it, resulting in the white spots in most of the photos. Apart from that, I am quite happy with the results. I don't know how the hell to make it bigger, but if you click on a picture it loads full size in another window.

And finally... I was running out of things to shoot so... Yea... Self portrait...

Moving Pictures

2009-03-03T03:30:00.001-08:00

Since my previous blog entries have been shit boring and lacking pictures I have decided to post something vaguely interesting and containing pictures. Thus, I bring you...

Movies I Need To Watch!

Wolverine's first movie.

Who really holds the power? The governments? Or the banks who keep your millions of dollars to do as they please with?

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

Funny thing is that a few days ago I was reading about Pirate Radio Broadcasts from ships off the coast of England.

Once again... Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Please, please don't disappoint!

Quentin Tarantino. Violence and Comedy walk hand in hand. And, I'll be 18, old enough to watch it too.

Ah looks like it's worth a few laughs.

Since I am a complete Starwars nerd it will be something I can relate too. Only they will probably dumb down most of the inside jokes to humour the non Starwars crowd.

What we all wish Poly Life was like... What's wrong with theatres in Singapore? This was released like August 29th LAST YEAR. Where the hell is it?

That be all.

Rant

2009-03-03T02:09:00.000-08:00

I have finally decided to read a book. I realise I've gone a year without touching a novel. Thus, I have decided to read Rant by Chuck Palahniuk. I got it 3 months ago and haven't touched it.

Taking a break from it now because it is disturbing, depressing and downright gross in some parts. Oh it's funny, in a bleak acerbic sorta way, but that's Chuck Palahniuk for you...

Since yesterday I have been positively obsessing over the Nikon D90 that I might get in March. No guarantees, but it's a high likelyhood. Hopefully...

Over and out.

Dix-huit

2009-02-28T07:37:00.000-08:00

My life is so fucking boring. I want to blog but I've really got nothing to blog about. The only events I've got in the near future are...

1) Sending my roll of black and white film for processing at Ruby Photo. (Monday)
2) Collecting my tapered jeans from Far East Plaza. (Monday)
3) Trading my Xbox 360 for a replacement at Funan. (Wednesday)
4) Collecting my film from Ruby Photo. (Wednesday, hopefully, but I doubt he'd be done with it that fast. I hope it's not another disaster roll since this one cost twice as much...)

And then... Yea that's it...

I have nothing left but to hope that life magically becomes interesting after I turn 18.

Automatic Stop

2009-02-23T21:27:00.000-08:00

So many fish there in the sea
I wanted you, you wanted me
That's just a phase, it's got to pass
I was a train moving too fast

Didn't understand what to see
Yeah, then I got a different view
It's you...no.

Wait, I'm gonna give it a break.
I'm not you friend,
I never was.
I said wait, I'm gonna give it a break.
I'm not your friend,
I never was.

So many fish there in the sea
She wanted him, he wanted me
That's just a phase, it's got to pass
I was a train moving too fast

Yeah, I know you warned me
But this is too important
Now I got a different view
It's you...

Why can't you wait?
I'm gonna give it a break
I'm not you friend,
I never was
I said wait, I'm gonna give it a break
I'm not you friend,
I never was.

I love this song. It's about a Love Triangle I've been told. I nearly died laughing when I realised it went...

I wanted her, she wanted me...

Then...

I wanted her, HE wanted me...

Hahahaha

Limbo

2009-02-19T07:25:00.000-08:00

RECORDING. I do not want to see you for a long time. You, stupid little red sign, are representative of the cold, dry air. The tense atmosphere. The stress. And the fucking door that will never accept my fingerprint. All that negativity aside, it was pretty fun working with Marucs on our show: LEET SPEEK!

I am completely and utterly bored out of my mind. Scouring the internet for entertainment till three in the morning and then sleeping till two in the afternoon. It isn't exactly the party lifestyle I aspired to lead.

But this is real life, not Entourage. When there's no schoolwork, you get real work. Some shit $5.50 job at a fast food joint would probably give me something to do. And put a little bit in my wallet too. Unfortunately, I am not willing to go home smelling like fried chicken for $5.50 an hour so I'm hoping for my old, more lucrative job. Transcription for my neighbour. Unfortunately, again, last time I did it I was slightly tardy with the work. So I'm not sure if she'd want me to do them again. But I'll ask her anyway when I go return her DVD and novel.

I actually feel guilty since everyone else I know seems to be working or searching for a job. The only thing I've been searching for today is new screenshots and gameplay videos for Fuel. This new racing game which looks like an incredible way to waste a week of my life. Unfortunately it comes out in May, which is forever away and my Xbox is dead.

So as far as entertainment is concerned, Video Games are a no go. But all is not lost! I am visiting my friends from Drama Club tomorrow afternoon. They are a great bunch of people and one of the few things I miss about Secondary School. Save the Chicken Curry Noodles perhaps... Oh and yes the great Friends and Teachers of course.

But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't troubled. Music, as always, is my Paracetamol.

Caring is Creepy

2009-02-16T07:50:00.001-08:00

"No matter how much you think you love somebody, you'll step back when the pool of their blood edges up too close."

Sometimes it's out of cowardice. Sometimes it's... No, it is always out of cowardice. Just different reasons. One, not having the courage to go through with what needs to be done. Two, being afraid of the repercussions of reaching out. Being seen as a busy body, a wannabe psychologist and god knows what else paranoia serves up at three in the morning.

Which is stupid.

Thus I come to the conclusion that in our remarkable society...

Caring is creepy...

Valentines Day

2009-02-14T07:17:00.000-08:00

Valentines Day is possibly my least favourite day. Ever. Yes, it is the ever so cliched "Oh Valentines Day sucks when you're single." I can't help but feel the love in the air and be miffed because I can't get any of it. It's like walking past Famous Amos without any cash. "Free Smells" just don't cut it.

This is the sort of blog post some people would show to their friends and comment about how pathetic the writer is. Talk about how they have been in a relationship and know it's no big deal. Talk about how he should just go out and find a girlfriend.

I say, go fuck yourself.

That whole Valentines-Day-Sucks drum beating aside...

This Valentines Day was pretty good. I stayed at home the whole time though. Three of my Dad's friends came over. Two were photographers by trade. So I had a great conversation with them. Talked about techniques and eventually equipment.

Yes, yes I know "you can get a great photograph with a $50 camera." I know I've said that too many times. Lots of photos I take get fucked up because of the Camera I have. I make sure to get the ISO right, but the pictures still end up grainy. It's a poor quality camera by 2009's standards. I spoke to him about getting a D90 and he said he could get me a good price. Talked to Mum about it and she say's she'd pay half for it.

Going to watch Slumdog Millionaire tommorow with my friend. I've heard rave reviews about it so I need to go catch it.

Later folks!

3 Minutes in The Radio Room

2009-02-14T04:57:00.000-08:00

Starfighter Pilot

2009-02-13T23:44:00.000-08:00

Andrew's a star fighter pilot
He can get high in his jet
Tells me about all his women
He can get any i'll bet

Andrew's a star fighter pilot
He knows all the girls in the world
He's better than james kirk or tweeky
I cradle his picture at night

You know i'll think of you
Your picture on the wall
I would raise my drink to you
But i'll stay sober just for you

Andrew's a star fighter pilot
I watch him on tv each day
I've got all the toys from his programme
And all of his past shows on tape

Jamie Choy Turns 18

2009-02-08T05:44:00.000-08:00

Happy 18th Birthday Dudette. It's been a blast. Now you're all grown up. Remember, you're old enough to drink, drive and smoke. Now just don't mix the first two and never ever do the latter. Remember, you're now now old enough to get arrested and trailed in court hahaha!

It's been great knowing you.

I'll let one year of photos do the talking.

Sorry man, I know it's still the 8th now but I'm bogged down with work. I'll post this now so I don't forget it later.

Brewski The Frog Slayer

2009-02-07T22:00:00.000-08:00

Everytime a dead frog turns up at our doorstep, courtesy of Brewski, comedy somehow manages to show it's goofy face.

It starts with the typical...

"Wha? Oh fuck..."

Then we argue over who has to clean up the mess.

Then my dad says something funny about how Brewski just thought of the frog as a toy but didn't know how to play with it and ended up breaking it.

Then my mum would give my dog a moral lecture about killing animals for no reason at all.

Really, at the expense of the poor frog... Everyone had a good laugh.

Sometimes You Have To Make It On Your Own

2009-02-07T07:11:00.000-08:00

"The truth is you can be orphaned again and again and again. The truth is you will be. And the secret is, this will hurt less and less each time until you can't feel a thing. Trust me on this."

Well, one time already. It really does hurt. Woah, really bad. The music playing when found out didn't help either. Time To Pretend by MGMT. A song about the stupid things you've done and moving on.

You know. Maybe it's just plain stupid to be upset over something like this. Severance can be freedom.

Yes.

Feel Sad.
Feel Angry.

Then pick up the pieces and move on. Quit your bitching Nancy. You knew what you got into you stupid naive moron.

Oh and I am this close to going fritz on the next poor bastard to piss me off. Do not fuck with me.

The Unsympathetic Nervous System

2009-02-06T05:48:00.000-08:00

I am sick. I don't know why, but it's been a week already. Waking up every morning has become a struggle to not wretch my guts out on the bathroom floor. It's a vicious cycle. I wake up with an empty stomach and feel hungry. But at the same time I feel nauseas so eating is difficult. It's so frustrating. I want to shrivel up and die. Worse still is I am beginning to worry I might be slightly emetophobic. Which makes matters even worse.

The Dad/Doc says it's stress related but honestly, I don't really feel that stressed. Maybe it's hypochondria. I'm just anxious.

Arg, I hate my body and my body hates me.

Well, apart from my deteriorated health... I am glad this semester is coming to a close. Need to drag my corpse two more weeks before I can go sleep for two months. It's sad that we have to go through 4 months of suffering just to enjoy those 2 months of holidays.

It's not living life anymore, it's just trying to survive it. 4 months at a time, waiting for 2 months of holidays. I live for those birthday parties at Clarke Quay, Chalets, playing video games at Cathay Cineplex, watching movies...

Oh there is so much to life.

I need to Go Out these holidays.

Interpol

2009-02-02T05:01:00.000-08:00

There is just something incredibly cool about Interpol. Maybe it's the suits they wear. The way Carlos D plays his Bass at his knees. The way David Kessler does that weird hopping dance thing while playing rhythmn. The way Paul Banks sings with that raspy, pained voice.

40 Feet Remain

2009-01-31T09:06:00.001-08:00

Okay, I'm like a third done with the essay, which is due on Monday. Yea, that's just an update, but pains me to read this fucking anti alcohol-propaganda thing which passes for a "Source."

It's along the lines of...

If you drink alcohol you will get beaten up, get raped, get AIDS and then die in a car accident resultant from driving under the influence.

It paints a pretty picture of an alcohol free world. Wipe cheery pastel colors and you'll see a harsher reality.

Honestly, the way they talk about alcohol, It's almost as if they are trying to shift the blame from some people's inherent stupidity to alcohol intoxication.

Look, don't expect me to justify my sentiments because... I am tired and it is 1:30 in the morning.

Ahh, I have 800 more words to go... Then Radio... Then Speech...

Then?

Next Problem...

Blockbuster! (Rated M18 for coarse language and extreme graphic violence.)

2009-01-28T07:29:00.000-08:00

What To Do?

A) Radio
B) Essay
C) Speech
D) Do stupid shit with Lego Minifigures

ANS: D

WRONG

Bravo: Ahhh! Dude what the fuck?! Stop chasing me man!
Alpha: Haha! Die noob!

Bravo: Oi! Get off you nutter!
Alpha: Stupid noob got pwned.

Bravo: Wait, how the fuck did you decapitate me with your bare hands?
Alpha: H4x0r.

Alpha: ALL YOUR HEAD ARE BELONG TO US!
Bravo: What the fuck give me back my head man!

To Be Continued... Or not...

Okay I was really fucking bored. This is the result of 15 minutes of messing around. Forgive the pathetic attempt at crude humour.

Disclaimer: No minifigures we're hurt in the making of this movie... Story... Er... Whatever it is... BECAUSE THEY ARE PLASTIC TOYS LAH OMG!

Wednesdays

2009-01-28T04:02:00.000-08:00

Today cannot possibly get any worse. It was a rapid succession of soul breaking. From school, all the way home.

Having some fucker pass thinly veiled insults, having pure failure rubbed in my face, being abandoned by my friend, having my iPod run out of battery on the 90 minute journey home leaving me with nothing to distract me from the nightmare that is my life.

It didn't stop at home, no it didn't. Dealing with idiot who loves to run his mouth without ever using his fucking ears and having a $600 Xbox 360 fuck up without a damn warranty.

I'd love for a million dollars to land on my head so I could just move into some cottage in the middle of some fucking countryside and do whatever I damn well please.

The termite infested roof beam in my house collapsing and crushing me in my sleep could only be the perfect ending to this Wednesday.

SENSE

2009-01-26T08:24:00.001-08:00

Sorry Marcus, could not resist.

Some People Are Heroes, Some People Take Photos.

2009-01-26T07:24:00.000-08:00

I really shouldn't have been there. I wasn't in the way or anything, but my presence was pointless. I stood amongst onlookers... Factory workers, Police, The Kiasu Singaporean. And there I stood, taking photos of the Firemen running all over the place.

Eventually, the Fuzz chased me off. But they weren't the only ones irritated at me. Someone, whom I assumed was a factory worker got ass pissy at me for taking photos. I mean, what did he want me to do, put out the fire with my camera?

Yea, I know the factory was on fire and all and it's like I wanted it to happen. But hey, it's on fire now and I'd like to take a few photos is it's all the same.

So, there's that. My first attempt at Photojournalism. Heh, I am such a wannabe photographer...

As for the poor quality, allow me to give excuses. I didn't want to use flash incase they got distracted and run over by a fire truck so I had to settle for shit shutter speeds. And for the grainy photos that's because I forgot to set my ISO and I was using a really fucked up telephoto lens.

The Red Ring of Death

2009-01-26T01:51:00.000-08:00

Maybe Microsoft thought they were being funny. Throw in a "The Ring" pop culture reference and make the Xbox 360 "General Hardware Error" indicator a flashing red ring. Fuck you Microsoft. Next time, I'll buy from Sony or hell, even Apple.

They'd probably make an iBox or something.

Anyway, the death of my only video gaming device is... Not that impactful? I am proud of myself. I do not need that infernal machine anymore.

As far as Life, The Universe and Everything is concerned. I am feeling satisfied. Things are going pretty good.

I really, really need a nice long vacation. 2 months maybe. Prague or Cuba. Or at least some time to go take some photos.

Freedom is only 2 essays, 1 speech and 1 radio capsule away.

Everything is Beautiful in Black and White

2009-01-24T23:59:00.000-08:00

Black and White just looks plain better. So I BWed a lot of my old photos and here are my favourites. In reverse chronological order.

Late Night Talkshow

2009-01-24T09:31:00.002-08:00

You'd be surprised how little you know about the people around you until you actually take time really talk to them.

And really, talk isn't cheap. It's just not done enough. Why do so many people feel the need to DO things when they are with company. Can't people just sit down and talk? Not about shopping or celebrities or social drama.

Birthday x2

2009-01-23T22:18:00.000-08:00

First came Belle's Birthday! At Vivo City's Skygarden. It was a surprise party and she was pretty surprised. Nah we don't buy any of that "I had a feeling you'd be planning something like this" Belle. So we ate cake and played these hilarious games. And for the record Chemistry was never my favourite subject. I just liked practical because I was sitting next to The Scientist haha!

The Cake.

Belle, the Birthday Girl.

Aisyah.

Arvin.

Shiyun.

Afiqa.

Preparing to eat the cake.

Jamie lunging for the cake!

Fee, Jamie, Aisyah, Shi, Belle.

It was getting late by the time Belle had to leave. Late is very subjective. So I called Kin and turns out the Night Was Still Young at Haji Lane. So I hopped on a train there and lounged around at Nabins with Zach and Company.

My usual glassy eyed stare.

Jill being Jill.

Markus and Kin.

Showing brotherly love.

Jill and Nicholas.

Denise, Kin, Rachel and Dinesh.

He sheshaed sheesha by the seashore.

And last but certainly not least... The Birthday Boy(Man) who is now 18 and with a haircut that make's him look like a 35 year old.

By the time most of us left, it was 1.30am. My mum was leaving for KL 7.30am so I headed to home.

Arctic Monkeys

2009-01-20T04:51:00.000-08:00

This is why I love Arctic Monkeys. Pure Rock. No flashy pyrotechnics, guitar smashing or gimicky costumes. Just pure unadulterated Rock.

I love their lyrics too. You can picture the scene in your head so easily because AM write about things that really do happen. Better still they don't keep writing the same shit like "omgilikethegirlbutshedontlikemewawawa."

They are just awesome. I'd buy tickets for a concert if they ever came to Singapore.

14 Jalan Ketumbit.

2009-01-15T03:21:00.000-08:00

I was depressed. WritCom was over. SpecCom was over. Radio was over.

Shouldn't feel happy? Blissful? Free? Nope.

So I thought of going to town to fire of my T-Max 400 Monochrome Film and maybe catch Slumdog Millionaire. Get inspired. Or rather, distracted.

But I was just too lazy, so I never left my house. Pulled out my piece of shit Canon and took some photos to pass the time. And, well I am really happy with what I got today.

And that's all it took to turn my day around!

Gate.

The Vacuum Cleaner's ancestors.

Floor (Dirty Edit)

Yes, I finally gave in and washed my Raw Denim after a mere week of use. I spilled ice-cream on iy ):

An ode to the little, brittle clothes pegs to whom we owe so much. Okay lah, not that much...

Putting my best foot forward! Okay, that was a lame caption...

For lack of a better model, Brewski was pretty cooperative. Oh come on smile you...

There we go! Nice big smile!

Okay now he's getting distracted...

Shaking hands with my good friend Brewski, because he was so patient.

This is going in his model portfolio.

And with that, I present you with the first few pictures on my blog. All words and no pics make Dinny a dull boy.

Slumdog Millionaire

2009-01-14T08:08:00.001-08:00

I need to watch this movie. I need to watch a good movie. I NEED TO. Otherwise, I will shrivel up and die.

Do Me A Favour

2009-01-12T23:18:00.000-08:00

Well the morning was complete
There was tears on the steering wheel dripping on the seat
Several hours or several weeks
I'd have the cheek to say they're equally as bleak

It's the beginning of the end
The car went up the hill and disappeared around the bend
Ask anyone they'll tell you that it's these times that it tends
To start to break in half
To start to fall apart
Hold on to your heart

Do me a favour and break my nose
Do me a favour and tell me to go away
Do me a favour and stop asking questions

As she walked away
Well her shoes were untied
And the eyes were all red
You could see that we'd cried
And I watched and I waited until she was inside
Forcing a smile and waving goodbye

Curiosity becomes a heavy load
Too heavy to hold
Too heavy to hold

Curiosity becomes a heavy load
Too heavy to hold
We'll force you to be cold

Do me a favour and ask if you need some help
She said do me a favour and stop flattering yourself
And to tear apart the ties that bind
Perhaps "fuck off" might be too kind
Perhaps "fuck off" might be too kind

Flyboy

2009-01-12T00:49:00.000-08:00

Though I Fly Through The Valley of Death I Shall Fear No Evil.
For I am 80,000 Feet and Climbing.

It was many years ago that I first sat in the cockpit of an F-16 Fighting Falcon. It was at an Airshow at some RSAF airbase. I had queued up for 10 minutes waiting to sit in the in the cockpit. The hot tarmac and crowds did not deter me. I'd queue there till sunset if I had too.

Finally, it was my turn. I scampered up the ladder and jumped into the cockpit. The queue had died down so I could take my time in the cockpit.

I strapped up the safety harness.
Though it was too loose for me.

I put my feet on the yaw pedals.
Though it was too far from me.

I put on the helmet.
Though it was too big for me.

I wrapped my fingers around the joystick.
Though I hadn't the strength to move it.

The cockpit was too big for me. I couldn't see anything but the control panel unless I stood up and leaned on the headrest. I couldn't reach most of the controls.

Still, I was the happiest boy on earth.

For a brief moment the hangars and the crowd disappeared, replaced by blue skies and landscape zooming past below me.

There was no school, no homework, no friends, no enemies. No worries.

Just two elements.

Speed and Altitude.

In the years that followed that brief spark of hope was kept alive by Tom Cruise and Topgun, X-Wing: Alliance, The X-Wing Series of Books, Youtube...

And then reality sets in.

You realise you're just like everyone else who's had a dream to be an Astronaut or Ballerina. They grow up and realise they'll probably end up writing a collumn for a shit magazine that nobody reads.

But between writing essay outlines for stupid boring as fuck topics that nobody gives a damn about and writing speeches for topics equally as dull you look out the window and wonder if you could have been that lucky bastard 80,000 feet above you at Mach 2.

Dinesh Get Your Boots On

2009-01-11T00:50:00.000-08:00

I need to get out. Get out and about. Pick up my camera, put on my Chuck Taylors and see the world.

I've always said this tiny piece of mud and foliage ain't much but I guess I didn't really think about it. There's Clark Quay, Boat Quay, CHIJMES, City Hall, Seletar Camp, Changhi Beach, Bishan Park and so many other places.

I promise I will go out next weekend and take some photos when all these fucking assignments are complete.

Now I'm going out next weekend.

The Craftsman

2009-01-08T00:36:00.000-08:00

As an ISTP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion.

ISTPs have a compelling drive to understand the way things work. They're good at logical analysis, and like to use it on practical concerns. They typically have strong powers of reasoning, although they're not interested in theories or concepts unless they can see a practical application. They like to take things apart and see the way they work.

ISTPs have an adventuresome spirit. They are attracted to motorcycles, airplanes, sky diving, surfing, etc. They thrive on action, and are usually fearless. ISTPs are fiercely independent, needing to have the space to make their own decisions about their next step. They do not believe in or follow rules and regulations, as this would prohibit their ability to "do their own thing". Their sense of adventure and desire for constant action makes ISTPs prone to becoming bored rather quickly.

ISTPs are loyal to their causes and beliefs, and are firm believers that people should be treated with equity and fairness. Although they do not respect the rules of the "System", they follow their own rules and guidelines for behavior faithfully. They will not take part in something which violates their personal laws. ISTPs are extremely loyal and faithful to their "brothers".

ISTPs like and need to spend time alone, because this is when they can sort things out in their minds most clearly. They absorb large quantities of impersonal facts from the external world, and sort through those facts, making judgments, when they are alone.

ISTPs are action-oriented people. They like to be up and about, doing things. They are not people to sit behind a desk all day and do long-range planning. Adaptable and spontaneous, they respond to what is immediately before them. They usually have strong technical skills, and can be effective technical leaders. They focus on details and practical things. They have an excellent sense of expediency and grasp of the details which enables them to make quick, effective decisions.

ISTPs avoid making judgments based on personal values - they feel that judgments and decisions should be made impartially, based on the fact. They are not naturally tuned in to how they are affecting others. They do not pay attention to their own feelings, and even distrust them and try to ignore them, because they have difficulty distinguishing between emotional reactions and value judgments. This may be a problem area for many ISTPs.

An ISTP who is over-stressed may exhibit rash emotional outbursts of anger, or on the other extreme may be overwhelmed by emotions and feelings which they feel compelled to share with people (often inappropriately). An ISTP who is down on themself will foray into the world of value judgments - a place which is not natural for the ISTP - and judge themself by their inability to perform some task. They will then approach the task in a grim emotional state, expecting the worst.

ISTPs are excellent in a crisis situations. They're usually good athletes, and have very good hand-eye coordination. They are good at following through with a project, and tying up loose ends. They usually don't have much trouble with school, because they are introverts who can think logically. They are usually patient individuals, although they may be prone to occasional emotional outbursts due to their inattention to their own feelings.

ISTPs have a lot of natural ability which makes them good at many different kinds of things. However, they are happiest when they are centered in action-oriented tasks which require detailed logical analysis and technical skill. They take pride in their ability to take the next correct step.

Rarely Seen, Never Caught.

2009-01-05T00:48:00.000-08:00

When you spend the entirety of a party behind your camera you are not likely to end up in any photos. You see the blog entries with photos you took and realise that there is absolutely no sign that you were ever there.

And sometimes, when you spend the entirety of a party behind your camera... You might as well not have been there. Face to face conversations generally work better when there isn't 50mm of glass, plastic and metal between you and your subject... No, Friend.

It may be an inherent flaw in the duties of the photographer or it might merely be my own foolish desire to document a party just so I can put it up on my Facebook and tell the whole world what a cool party I went to.

On the topic of inherent flaws, perhaps that's why camera bags look so damn ugly. Nylon camera bags never look good with a shirt and tie.

So drop the camera and get your ass on the dance floor. Be a part of something and know you really were there. Fuck the photos. Photographs fade, memories don't.

Unless you become like... Senile or something...

What's Your Weapon of Choice?

2009-01-04T01:16:00.000-08:00

I've got a streak, and you want to loosen up
but there's no time to feast your eyes
you want it all, but the world wont give it up
up to the edge, a star will rise

What is your weapon of choice
Whats your weapon of choice
Where is the weapon to free us all us?
What is your weapon of choice
Whats your weapon of choice
Where is the weapon to free us all?

i wont waste it, i wont waste it, i wont waste my love on a nation
i wont waste it, i wont waste it, i wont waste my love on a nation

Everyones got their own spent factions
Every bomb will pay its price
I've been digging in the wrong directions
Lets see you threaten the afterlife

What is your weapon of choice
Whats your weapon of choice
There is the weapon to free us all us
What is your weapon of choice
Whats your weapon of choice
There is a weapon to free us all

i wont waste it, i wont waste it, i wont waste my love on a nation
i wont waste it, i wont waste it, i wont waste my love on a nation

It's too hard to stand aside
Here's the love to stop your heart

i wont waste it, i wont waste it, i wont waste my love on a nation
i wont waste it, i wont waste it, i wont waste my love on a nation
i wont waste it, i wont waste it, i wont waste my love on a nation
i wont waste it, i wont waste it, i wont waste my love on a nation

Irreciprocable

2009-01-03T09:07:00.003-08:00

Piss me off and I will fuck you over. I am sick of people walking all over me. I've had plenty of opportunities to be nasty but I held my tongue because I'm nice like that. But don't push me to do something drastic because I'm at wits end now.

So please, play nice and you'll never see me bare my fangs and unsheathe my claws, because I do have them.

2009

2009-01-01T07:11:00.000-08:00

2008 was good. I think I've come out as a better person. I've made new friends and managed to keep old ones.

Twilight of 2008 was spent under the stars at Marina Bay. Weren't too many stars but thats global warming for you.

Honestly, I didn't want to go. I'm a person person. Not a people person. I'm good with a small group, but there is nothing I hate more than crowds.

Worst still, I am always a magnet for stupid people. I can only hope it's because opposites attract haha! Well for starters there was this obnoxious group of people sitting directly behind us blowing these fucking annoying horns every five seconds. It was so damn loud! I swear, I felt like ripping the damn thing from his hands and shoving it up his ass!

So fine, I tolerated it. Then came the obnoxious couple in front of us. Idiots were smoking, in front of their kids too! You know where I'd have loved to shove those cigarettes... I mean, I don't mind when my mates do it because they do it discreetly in a corner. Not right in front of us blowing smoke all over.

Alright, so the average People-You'd-Like-Too-Punch-In-The-Head aside I guess it was okay. Nothing special. Apart from the great company of course. I went there to spend the last few hours of 2008 to hang out with my favourite people, not to watch them shoot gunpowder into the air and accelerate global warming.

Pictures should be here but since my internet is being a bitch I'll post them tommorrow. Or not at all...

So, because I can't be bothered to write something long and poignant, I'm just going to throw out a string of what made this year special...

latenightconversationschaletdrinkingguitarbassgigsclarkequaycityhalltownfriendsfriendsfriendssleeplessnightspainpainohthepain70mesplanadetalks

The Only Ones Who Know

2008-12-29T08:53:00.000-08:00

I felt bad for a while. Then I surprised myself with some shred of self esteem that hadn't been squashed out yet.

I know myself best. I've lived and suffered for my decisions for 17 years. I know myself best. I'm not arrogant. I'll hear you out and nod and to the best of my abilities follow the advice given to me. Those were mistakes. Foolish, yes. Understood, no.

Bottom line is we can spend out lives letting the world tell us who we are... Or we can decide for ourselves.

And if there's anything I've learned today it's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

Live like it's its 2007... Without the O Levels. Yea sure, there was blood on my chin where I've bitten my tongue but I guess I think better of myself than I thought I did.

And with all due respect...

I shouldn't say any more!

The sense of impending New Year Apocalypsish Doom is gone. I see dawn 2009. Not twilight 2008!

WOOOHOOO!!!

(:

Just so you know I'm not completely mental. REALLY LAH!

Moral Whiplash

2008-12-26T10:00:00.000-08:00

Dinny, Dinny, Dinny. Like some parable that begins in the southern province of China you have done something stupid enough to irrevocably prove your innate selfishness, foolishness and insecurity and possibly end up in Under One Roof if they ever did another season.

Really, I convinced myself I was the good guy. I convinced myself that it was the Martyrdom of Saint Me. I was the good guy.

Then I saw my reflection in a puddle in a certain some dark alleyway. Trench coat clad and gun raised at what I could never hurt. Last time it was me on the floor, gun barrel between teeth

Which is worse? Victim? Or Heartless Killer?

I was a fool for thinking I was the former and a downright idiot for falling into the shoes of the latter. I look back through the archives or everything that mattered to me and saw things I couldn't have written completely sober.

Grow the fuck up boy! It's not that hard for people to love you. Understand that and stop giving people a hard time for showing their own rare, exotic brand of affection that takes a understanding to appreciate.

It's not too much to trust a few people completely.

I know you know what I foolishly thought you didn't. So here you go Sherlock(s). Decipher this.

How Are Things on The West Side?

2008-12-21T08:59:00.000-08:00

Oh it's awesome.

Aunty Naleeza's Christmas party was a blast as usual! Food, drink, food, ghost stories, good company and MORE FOOD!

Her vast array of culinary creations never, ever fail to satisfy. I swear, no on has ever baked a cake better than her. I fail to understand why she isn't a billionaire pastry tycoon haha.

Now I find myself having difficulty choosing who to hang around with. The adults or the children. There's no one my age around. So first, I chose to hang with the children in one of the rooms. As usual, I told ghost stories with the lights off. Scaring the CRAP outta them. It was hilarious. Even scaring the hell out of little children gets boring after a while, so I headed out to meet the older crowd because they seemed a bit less intimidating after a few rounds of drinks.

What was probably the highlight of the party was the story telling session by one of my Dad's friends. Not my amateur ghost stories. This was done my my Dad's friend. She started a story, a very abstract one.

Dark, Soft and Pliable.

We then developed the idea turn by turn and eventually ended up with a character, Spiderman! The story ended prematurely because of disruptions though. It's hard to describe it, but the lady who started this story had an amazing talent. She couldn bring out these really poetic things outta you. From my dad, me and even my brother who eventually thought of something.

So I went home feeling pretty good about things.

Woah... Bloody long post, but it's happy eh? I apologise for the emotional bullshit prior to this post.

And quote of the day...

girls are silly
thats all you need to know

NARC

2008-12-19T09:32:00.000-08:00

Touch your thighs, I'm the lonely one
Remember that last sweat ‘cause that was the right one
Oh, all your mysteries are moving in the sun
And show some love and respect
Wanna get some love and respect
Baby, you can see that the gazing eye won't lie
Don't give up your lover tonight
Cause it's just you, me and this wire, all right
Let's tend to the engine tonight

She found a lonely sound
She keeps on waiting for time out there
Oh love, can you love me, babe?
Love, is this loving, babe?
Is time turning around?

Feast your eyes, I'm the only one
Control me, console me
Cause that's just how it should be done
Oh, all your history's like fire from a busted gun
I show some love and respect
Don't wanna get a life of regret

But, baby, you can see that the gazing eye won't lie
Don't give up your lover tonight

She found a lonely sound
She keeps on waiting for time out there
Oh love, can you love me, babe?
Love, is this loving, babe?
Is time turning around?

We slip into the bedroom <--------------I can't tell you how much I love this bit. It is EPIC.
Babe, you know me
This is alright
Holdings we'll make soon will
Sustain us through the night
Inside my bedroom baby
Touch me, Oh tonight
Poses will make soon
Will reveal our sense of right

You should be in my space
You should be in my life
You should be in my space
You should be in my life
You could be in my space

Anyways and By The Ways

2008-12-19T05:48:00.000-08:00

It was quite a slap to the face. I can take a hint though. The way I'm treated, the effort put into this. I'm not an idiot. But yea... Whatever...

Sometimes, the best way to cope with shit is not to hold yourself as such a precious little prize. That's it right there. Don't hold yourself as such a precious little prize. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else after all.

You know, all I've got to say anymore, to anything, save death itself, is...

Yea... Whatever...

Word Woes

2008-12-16T09:57:00.000-08:00

Sticks and stones may break your bones but words can hurt like hell.

And so can omissions, labels and the way you snap. Oh you'd put a snapping turtle to shame.

Love... Actually...

2008-12-14T09:29:00.000-08:00

Shoot me dead for the cheesy title. Please do.

You know, it's not often I take leave from my typical "oh god not this romantic crap" and hard-assery. Unfortunately, today I find myself sitting in front of the telly completely engrossed some heartwarming, romantic, vaguely melancholic movie.

It can only be the magic of Christmas...

I tell you I feel like a complete sap smiling at the telly at every vaguely romantic bit of dialogue in the movie.

But even still, I watch this movie every time it's on the telly. There's something about it I love. It's probably just that it's a very hopeful, yet real movie. The little boy's naive, hopeful, lovestruck pursuit of the girl in his class. And as a contrast, the hopeless story about the man who fell in love with his best friend's bride to be.

It... Well, it sorta makes Love seem like a pretty... Probable... Possible... Plausible... Yea I'll stop at plausable. Yes, because it makes Love seem like a plausible thing.

Know Your Role

2008-12-14T02:50:00.000-08:00

In every vaguely atas neighbourhood hairstylist that you frequent, there is always one hairstylist named Ice. More often than not, you can tell who it is from the blonde hair or blue highlights.

Interesting isn't it?

Everywhere you go, there is a Role for you to play. The supposedly Good Older Cousin that everyone thinks is a role model. The loser who's always following them, but never going with them. The Joker. Black T-Shirt and Jeans.

People expect you to fill the role and you do it because when you don't, people get confused. And when you do, it settles in and it's hard to evict. It really does get on my nerves sometimes when you try and get out of your Role. You dress up for a night on the town and people say you act cool rather than say "Oh, there's a nice shirt you got there mate!" They try their best to remind you of your past and all the stupid mistakes you made rather than let you try to be a better person.

You're like a baby Godzilla. All cute and cuddly when you first get him. Then he grows teeth the size of baseball bats and starts toppling over skyscrapers.

You're going to need a bigger litterbox.

Noir

2008-12-13T12:07:00.000-08:00

It's 4am. Yes, four-in-the-fucking-eh-em. I am writing a blogpost.

Why?

Because I had a nightmare. Not just any nightmare, but my favourite worst nightmare. The recurring one.

It happens in Isetan. I'm running through the top levels of Isetan. Something is chasing me. Laughing. Baying for blood. I can see it's shadows on the closed shutters of the shops. The building is dark and I can barely make my way to the escalator leading down.

So far, it's kinda freaky right? Now like anything in my life, it turns to fucking comedy.

As I run for the escalator I look back, see my demons and then... I overshoot the escalator. Like, I run straight and hover over the escalator for a few seconds. I look down, and begin to plunge down to hit the escalator steps.

Then I wake up with a cold sweat.

Funny, after going almost a year without a vivid dream, I this nightmare comes crawling back into my head like a familiar friend whom you don't like too much.

I guess it's a child of a threesome of confusion, anger and sorrow.

The Gods Hate My Brother

2008-12-13T02:33:00.000-08:00

Funny story:

My brother, Vikesh, was sitting on the day bed watching Spongebob Squarepants like he always does. Then all of a sudden... BUDDHA FALLS UPON HIM!

No shit! This giant painting of Buddha that's up in my living room spontaneously comes of the hook and crashes down on top of the completely bewildered boy.

I died laughing.

Untitled

2008-12-13T01:58:00.001-08:00

Screw the friends who think you've got Sadim's Touch. Screw the people who say it's a waste of money. Screw the people who say you can't do it. Screw the people who tell you to move on.

There are people who care. There are people who believe.

It's a conundrum. I want to be alone. And yet I want someone. And then I want someone else to listen.

It's why people invented telephones. They hated to be too close together but they also feared being alone.

Well, I'll figure it out. I am well and truly Cutt Off.

Somewhere... A Clock Is Ticking...

2008-12-11T00:12:00.000-08:00

The lightbulb in my room is supposed to last 5 years. That's a long time isn't it? Nope. Not when you realise that you'll probably only be changing it another 10 more times before you're dead.

That's not a very long time...

And when you waste or spend, I leave it up to you, 20 years of your life in the paper chase and another 2 in the military... You don't have a lot of it left.

Then you get a job, then a career. Then how many years left?

Not very many...

What's a career when you don't have friends? What's a being able to square route a triangle when a gun is pointed at your head? Not very much.

So don't waste what time you have sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth!

Go out. Go Skate. Play guitar. Play bass. Read a book. Paint a picture. Throw a party.

The clock is ticking!

Now when I realise this there is a lot I want to do. I probably won't get a chance to do all of this but I can try.

Eurotrip.
Skydiving.
Play musical instrument competently and join a band.
Scale Kilimanjaro and then reach Base Camp 1 of Mount Everest.
Buy a house.
Own a car.
Own a bike (Ducati).
Snowboard.
Spray paint a wall in Haji Lane. (I've written "Peace" on the Peace Wall in Ireland, but that doesn't really count...)
Have a pint in a smoky, damp, dark Irish Pub. (I was underage when I was there.)
Go on an expedition with the Singapore Paranormal Investigators in Malaysia to find the Malaysian Bigfoot.
Win a photography competition.
Assemble a working computer.

So, what do you want to do?

All I Want For Christmas...

2008-12-09T07:08:00.000-08:00

I'm not Mariah Carey, I want a lot more for Christmas than just you! I want... A Ducati!

Red body with a grey frame please...

Man, I wish my folks celebrated Christmas haha.

Cutt Off

2008-12-08T08:23:00.000-08:00

Time to turn off BBC and turn on Star World.

So Saturday was XOXO's debut gig at Bukit Timah Plaza. Got there early and watched some of the other bands play. They were pretty good as well. While Gabe and Kev set up I went to meet Sonia, Denise and Bev who were almost late.

Needless to say, we made a hell lot of noise when the gig started. Cheering as well as laughing. XOXO's performance was really very good. It was the best that evening. To lazy to post photos now because they are already on my Facebook! And if you want to see them, you're gonna have to conform to the Facebook revolution and check out my album there haha.

Nah just kidding, here's the public link for the non-conformists...

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=71879&l=d8dc7&id=765379408

My Sunday was terribly boring, owing to the fact that I couldn't remember what happened on Sunday. Nothing exciting so I'll ffwd to Monday.

Drama BBQ. It was one of the more memorable BBQs I've attended because... Well... We BBQed in the rain. No shit, it was raining the entire duration we were there. We BBQed under umbrellas, taking turns to hold it up.

It was wet and cold thanks to the perpetual drizzle and the icy cold sea breeze. Or was it land breeze? I'll have to clarify with Belle on that one haha.

Well, it was fun meeting my friends from Drama Club again. Quite a few people couldn't make it, but I was glad I came. Drama was one of the better experiences I had in high school. Fridays were what I looked forward to because of two hours of workshop and dinner with my mates.

But, no more Drama in Polytechnic. No improvs and rehearsals to look forward to after class. And dinner becomes a solo event of Fish and Chips at the nearby coffee shop.

Maybe I should have gone to La Salle? Because I really haven't ever felt this Cutt Off before.

On A More Positive Note

2008-12-05T10:24:00.000-08:00

I just feel bad about leaving a streak of such negative posts on a new blog. So I sit here thinking of something positive to say...

Aha! I got a new book. Rant by Chuck Palahniuk, the author of Fight Club and Invisible Monsters. He's got a real cynical, sarcastic outlook on life, the universe and everything. It's nice to read a book like that for a change. I mean, I'm sick of the altruistic "Power of love!" crap that ends up in every god damn mainstream book or movie like Nights in Rodanthe, Harry Potter or even Starwars. Though Starwars had it's redeeming points. I just love a good read.

One quote in the book really made me think. Don't take the quote literally, take it abstractly...

“Couldn’t you guess that old time gods and saviors like Isis and Zeus are just losers with beater Torinos and Mustangs who went party crashing and found a way to ‘sever their origins’? Maybe they all started as real nobodies, and as their reality faded, a new story piled up around them?”

Oh shit... This wasn't much happier was it? Hahahaha!

Despair at The Departure Lounge

2008-12-05T09:00:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, it's not what you mean that matters. It's what you do. Between the snide potshots shoddily disguised by your mirthful laughter I am left wondering. Am I really your friend? Or just the guy that has been hanging around long enough to fool himself.

It's more than how much you think you care. Your "Are you okay?" only serves to make you feel that you tried.

It's not knowing that kills me. So do me a favour and tell me to go away. The novelty has run out hasn't it?

And that's all there is to it.

Well, on a lighter and more comical note, has anyone noticed this one Bak Kwa ad on the buses? The one with "It's Titillating!" Now I don't know about you, but I'm sure most sane people are not titillated by barbequed pork unless they have some wierd food fetish. Even still, if whoever came up with the ad was doing Graphic Communications in Ngee Ann, I'm sure "It's Titillating!" would warrant an instant fail from our lecturers.

Plastic Tramp

2008-12-04T00:12:00.001-08:00

He looks as if he hasnt slept, his hair is purposely unkept
And then he knew his people wept, when you crafted your plan
The shadows underneath the eyes, and everywhere the bastard lies
My lack of proof is your disguise, you won't remember me
There's nothing really I can say, but sorry mate and walk away
I could be wrong unless you play your game, This world is cruel and most unkind
and horrible is redefined, I can't imagine that you'd mind at all